Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
