With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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