dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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