can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
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you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
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I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I have aggressive nipples.
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