He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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