sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
birth control should be required to get into college
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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