I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
