I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
should my penis look like a turkey
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
