I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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