My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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