I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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