My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
