peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
