So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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