Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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