So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
