What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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