dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
