the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
