then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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