Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
