Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
ok first of all what the fuck
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
