Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
