Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
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I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
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How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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