What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
