you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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