Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Randomize
