My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
