I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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