tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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