I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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