I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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