We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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