It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
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She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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