I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
40s are totally the cure
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
