He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
