I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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