we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
