6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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