and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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