i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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