Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
