I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
