I could have mohawked her pubes.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
