Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
