i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
