guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
