i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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