thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
