I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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