Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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