The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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