we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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