when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
