what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
