I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
im six kinds of drunk right now
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
