the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize