I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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