She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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