I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Please don't give away my fajitas
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