You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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