Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
