What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
