4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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