woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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