heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
