she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
