Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
